VILE BEAN!!!

I gave Luke Beanies & Weenies for lunch yesterday (wow, spell check didn't have a problem with that??)

I now have one more item to add to my long list of things NOT to feed Luke until he's in college.

He picked out all the weenies and painted the table with the beanies. And the bean juice (I don't know what else to call it) dried up and turned into this flaky, powdery crust. It covered the table, the chair and most of his body. As if that weren't bad enough, I still had to give him lunch! Three pieces of weenie just wouldn't cut it. The quickest fix is a PB&J sandwich. This would also be on "the list" if it weren't such a convenient way to fill the hole on that kid.

Suffice to say, I ended up getting a mess on top of a mess.

I got my revenge, though.

As you might have expected, bean juice is amazingly resilient. It took quite an effort to scrub the stuff off of Luke's face and body, his skin turning a lovely shade of pink as the minutes wore on. Halfway through, he started kicking his legs and squirming.

"No! Help!!"

At which point I affected my best villainous tone...

"No one can save you now, Child! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!!"

Then, the torture continued as he was forced to watch his sister (once again) drinking out of his cup. He was still strapped into his booster seat, helpless to stop her.

"Noooo! My pee-pup!!" (<-- Toddlerese for "sippy-cup")

I considered explaining to the boy that, had he not thrown his sippy on the ground to begin with, Evie never would have gotten a hold of it. But, somehow, I'm afraid the logic would be lost on him.

"NO, Evie!!!"

Finally, the amusement wore off and I intervened.

I'd like to hope he learned his lesson...but I wouldn't bet my bean juice on it.



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WARNING: To avoid danger of suffocation, keep this plastic bag away from babies and children.

I've read this warning on grocery bags before and rolled my eyes at the stupidity of the American consumer. Frivolous law suits have nearly ruined the common sense of this nation. "Warning: Hot Coffee" can be found on every McDonald's coffee cup. "Do Not Ingest" on a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner? Thanks for the warning! That was starting to look mighty yummy...

What insanity!

So, naturally, I didn't think twice when Evie was playing with a plastic grocery bag.

It's just a plastic bag! I mean, what are the odds that she can actually open it up and get it over her head in just the right...WHOOPS!

I turn around for one minute and the child is wearing the bag like a death mask. I can even see her little mouth, open and gasping for air as the plastic sucks into it.

I grabbed it off her before she was in any real danger but it was still a scary thing.

So, the next time you see a senseless warning label, you can thank people like me.

I'll be waiting for your call...


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