And now, for something completely different!

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I was watching TV this evening and heard a reference to the Collyer brothers, a rather infamous pair of compulsive hoarders that were born in the late 1800's. They lived and died in a townhouse in Manhattan. When neighbors complained of the smell, police had to dig through over 100 TONS of junk in order to find the bodies.

Apparently, the technical term for a compulsive hoarder is: Disposophobia. I know what you're thinking...what does a fear of garbage disposals have to do with hoarding? The truth is, I have no idea, but you know how those stuffy, academic, Latin-speaking types can be.

Anyhow, I was reading about these two, ill-fated brothers and thinking to myself...

I bet they never accidentally threw out their Social Security cards.

...or the deed to their home.

...or any "final-notice" utility bills.

...or valuable, yet-to-be-deposited checks.

You see, my husband suffers from Hoardophobia...that's a fear of hoarding, for you lay-people.

I've begged him to seek counseling (and heavy medication) but he's in denial. He thinks it's normal to retrieve the mail from the box and deposit it directly into the trash can. Or, (even better) take out everything that looks important and shove it to the back of an obscure, junk-filled, kitchen drawer. Then, after letting it age and collect for a few months, throwing it all out in a fit of uncontrolled, obsessive-compulsive, clean-freak rage.

Okay, so it's not really a rage. It's more like this semi-conscious, zombie-like stupor. I could have sworn that I saw his eyes actually cloud over once, but I can't be certain.

He has no memory of it afterwards, which seriously impedes any recovery efforts on my part.

"Where did you put the mortgage bill?"

"Oh, it's uh...in the drawer next to the fridge."

"That drawer is empty."

"What? That's impossible. I remember putting it there."

"Well, it's empty. Maybe I'll check the trash."

"I did not throw it away!"

(sounds of rustling)

"Chris?"

"Yeah, Sweetie?"

"I looked in the trash can and found a mortgage bill, two vehicle titles, our marriage license, a package of clean diapers, $65 in cash, our 'last will and testament,' a set of fine china, the keys to the mailbox, and our two children."

"Wow! How did that get there??"

I wonder if the Collyer brothers have any single great-grandsons?




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