I was in the mood to clean yesterday.
Which means it must have been a full moon. Or Friday the 13th. Or some obscure pagan holiday.
It is a dark and cloudless night when the moon turns blood red. The werewolves howl, the zombies rise...and Stephanie Chandler scrubs her sink.
This just isn't normal behavior for me.
And it wouldn't be so bad if I had actually gotten something accomplished. No, I'm afraid that when I go on a neurotic cleaning binge, it ends up being more neurotic than clean.
So, really it's just a neurotic binge. And that's frightening under any circumstances.
Allow me to give you a time line:
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8:00PM- Gently cleanse glass stove top
8:30- Firmly scrub stubborn food from glass stove top
9:00- Vigorously chisel burned up, permanently cemented food from glass stove top
10:00- Notice scuzzy knobs in front of glass stove top
10:05- Clean scuzzy knobs with q-tips and rubbing alcohol
11:00- Notice grimy buildup along the edge of the stove and in the grooves and corners of the oven control pad.
11:05- Use the sharp tip of a knife to clean out grimy grooves/corners/edges.
12:01AM- Finish cleaning food off glass stove top
12:45- Obsessively wipe every trace of smudges/fingerprints from glass stove top
1:00- Admire handiwork
1:01- Remember the bottle of special glass-stove-top-cleaning-solution left in the drawer by home builder.
1:35- Apply creamy, white cleaning solution to perfectly clean glass stove top.
1:45- Get distracted by scuzzy highchair
3:00- Remember cleaning solution left on stove top
3:01- Scrape dried up, stubborn cleaning solution from glass stove top
4:00- Remove dried flakes of cleaning solution from the grooves/corners/edges of the stove
5:00- Sweep dried flakes from counter tops and floor surrounding the glass stove top
5:15 - Take a shower to remove flakes from hair and body
5:30AM - Collapse into bed
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And my husband wonders why I only clean during a lunar eclipse...or the Winter solstice.
Wait...isn't this a leap year?
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3 comments:
Our playdate should have been at your house since your stove is so clean...
Oh well.....just don't look at mine. I'm afraid you'll come back at midnight to clean it.
-Connie
I actually wrote this last week and didn't bother changing the wording. You can be SURE that my stove is now filthier than ever.
The first thing Honor said to me when I opened up your blog (she was standing right behind me) was: "Mommy, is that you in the kitchen?" to which I replied, "what was that, dear?", "Yep Mommy, that's YOU in the kitchen." Apparently I am leaving my children with a false since of my maternal homemaker capabilities...
It's a good thing you pointed out this was from last week...I remember you telling me about it last Saturday!
I'm sure Chris would be horrified to know that you are telling "the world" that you had permanently cemented food on your stove top...I foresee marriage counseling in the future... ;-D.
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