Snake Oil

Am I the only one that spends an exorbitant amount of time staring at those annoying banner ads and trying to figure out how they've manipulated the before/after pictures?

"Honey, come look at this!"

"What is it, Steph?"

I gesture wildly at the image of a woman's torso.

"Can you believe this?"

"What?"

"Look at how fresh those stretch marks are in this 'before' picture. Clearly this woman had just given birth! And see...look at how tight the waist of her jeans are so that her flabby belly is forced to spill grotesquely over the top. Anyone's belly would do that if their jeans were that tight!"

Chris is starting to look bored.

"Uh-huh."

"And look, look! See how close the bottom of her bra is to her belly-button in that first picture? Obviously, she's hunching forward to make it all look twenty times worse."

"That's nice, honey. I was actually in the middle of something, though, so I'm just gonna..."

"Wait, wait! Look at this 'after' picture! I don't think that's even the same woman! Her boobs are perkier, her skin is tanner...her stretch marks are completely gone! And look at that...nobody's stomach angles in like that naturally. She's sucking it in!"

"Sure, honey."

"I'm telling you, that's not her. They do this kind of thing all the time and it's SO obvious. I was just analyzing another weight-loss ad that showed this woman's entire body and her face looked no different from the before picture! I mean, how do you lose 60 lbs and not have an entirely new face?! Plus, her hair was exactly the same....the color, the cut, even the position of each curl! How is that even possible if any time at all passed between photos?"

*silence*

"I'll tell you how it's possible. They cropped the woman's head and photo-shopped it onto another body, that's how. And they think that just because Rachel Ray endorsed it or it was featured on the Today Show that they can get away with fraudulent banner ads. Well, someone should hold them accountable for lying like that. The Federal Bureau of Internet Integrity or the Photoshop Enforcement Agency. And you could call a toll free number to anonymously report the evil-doers...1-800-LOOSE-LIPS. "

*more silence*

"But who am I kidding? Everyone lies on the internet, right? I'll even bet that these women were paid a lot of money for their photos. As if that makes it all okay."

*crickets chirping*

"But when you think about it, they're not technically lying. They're simply presenting a before and after photo and allowing the viewers to draw their own conclusions. Is it their fault that people see what they want to see?

*mold growing*

"Honey, the next time I get pregnant, remind me to take a 'before photo' five minutes after I have the baby. Once my internal organs retract and I lose the water weight, we can start planning for a dream vacation!"

*front door slamming*

"Chris?"

*car peeling out of the driveway*

"Well fine. If you weren't interested, you should have just said so."



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