PUSH!!!

WARNING: This following blog entry contains phrases, descriptions and thinly veiled euphemisms that, while clever, do push the limits of good taste. Proceed with caution.



Evie had a brush with constipation a few days ago. Both of my kids have always been daily poopers so this was some uncharted territory for me.

I could tell she had been struggling with this particular "matter" (snort, snort) for nearly two days because every time Chris or I changed her diaper, it would tease us a little and then run giggling back inside.

It was toying with us.

Finally, on day two before nap time, Evie came up to me holding her butt.

"Poop!"

This was it. The moment of truth.

I laid her down and opened her diaper to see that the process had indeed begun. But it was stalling.

I felt like a birthing coach...about two decades too early.

"Push, Baby! Come on, PUSH!"

Evie started whimpering and squirming.

"Remember your breathing, Evie! Hee-hee, hooo. Hee-hee, hooo."

She grunted and squirmed some more, then started to cry.

"I see it! Here it comes!!! Push harder!"

But the progress had stalled again. I briefly toyed with the idea of using forceps but decided that the situation was not nearly that desperate.

"You're almost there, Honey. Just a little more!"

Evie had finally had enough and started to struggle against my hold. Apparently, that exertion was all it took and, finally, it was out...and out, and out, and out some more.

"You did great, Evie," I soothed as I cleaned her up. "It's over now."

It was an emotional release like no other. Evie grinned and took off running while I sat there, swiping at my tears for several moments....until I realized they were being caused by the nearly visible waves of putrescence emanating from the folded up diaper sitting next to me.

Note to self: Poop stinks. And poop that plays mind games with you stinks worst of all.



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